How's Your Self Awareness? How About Your Self Management?
Recently, I practiced newly taught coaching techniques with a classmate. We've been thrown together three times, which seems like high odds; I'm not sure if Wellcoaches or the Universe is responsible... Regardless, she's giving me opportunity to practice our new theory, emotional intelligence, or EQ.
The first time we worked together I was unprepared for the negativity that surrounded her description of everything in her life. I searched for and found one positive tidbit amongst an ocean of despair and clung to it like a life raft. I created metaphors and visualizations to help (force) her to see this positive thing; to no avail. She was not going to see anything but what she wanted to, I was the one committed to her seeing just one positive thing, not her.
I was ejected out of my bulldozer of positivity by an instructor who heard this interaction and quickly applied my emergency brakes. She said to meet the "client" where she was and if that's in negativity, ask her what that's like for her. But wait! Aren't we suppose to find the positive while coaching? Yes, she said, but some people are invested in feeling bad and I'm just to meet them there until they figure out it's not comfortable and they make the choice to get out.
Knowing I will continue to encounter people and situations like this one, those that push my buttons and trigger my alarms, I'm determined to learn my piece of this puzzle. This will take recognizing my assumptions, attachments, and aversions at all times; being present in each moment. And while this sounds like an exhausting endeavor, I'm gratefully embracing this as an exotic and sometimes messy exploration, not a destination. It'll also take recognizing everyone else is on their own exotic, messy exploration of their own choice and appreciating that they're exactly where they need to be at any given moment.
My take away from the above coaching practice example; recognizing my own discomfort with her languishing and my subsequent reaction to change it. Next time I want to recognize and name my discomfort in the moment so that I can choose my next steps rather than reacting in a way that's habitual and unhelpful for us both.
Emotional intelligence is a bit intangible yet is responsible for how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. Self awareness and self management provide personal competence in our ability to stay aware of our emotions and manage our behavior. Emotional intelligence also includes social awareness and relationship management which together provide social competence; the ability to understand other people's moods, behavior and motives in order to improve the quality of our relationships.
Only 36% of people are able to accurately identify their emotions as they happen and emotional identification is the key to emotional intelligence.
What steps will you take to raise your EQ?
For resources on Emotional Intelligence please see my Suggested Reading tab to your right.
Learner and sharer of all things healthy, active, esteem building, growth promoting, witty and Hawaiian